Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Santa Monica: Preparing for the Worst

Life will most likely never be the same.

This morning's Grape-Nuts-and-coffee ritual came to a stand-still as I sat, riveted, trying to digest the already-smudged newsprint:

"Residents in the 310 zone will soon have to dial four extra digits."

Add to this the evident trauma of Crack-Berry-Heads having to reprogram cellphones all over the Westside, and you soon realize that this will clearly result in all kinds of psychoses, disorders and phobias among the shrink-happy beach clan.

"I just never really thought of how much of an inconvenience this is going to be," said one unhappy resident.

"It's a nightmare," echoed another.

Luckily, the Redondo Beach Chamber of commerce is prepared. Their president pretty much sums it up:

"We're telling people, 'It's coming, it's coming. Are you ready?'"

It's obvious, people -- we're mere moments away from a complete melt-down. Quick! Grab your bottled Evian, Louis-Vuitton doggie carriers and run for the hills in your patent Manolos!